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Relationships
Relationships matter. We are interconnected and interdependent beings. It is by entering into a loving connection that we nurture compassionate cultures, and signal belongingness. As President Emeritus Prof. Leo Lambert and Prof. Peter Felten remind us, we all play a role in building webs of relationships within educational communities. This includes staff to student; student to student; staff to staff and the relationship we have with ourselves. Black and indigenous scholars also speak about belonging to the land and our custodial responsibility to nature, so we might also consider our relationships with and between our spaces, environments and technologies that surround learning.
For those of us who find human relationships difficult, relationships with the natural world (which never pass judgment) can provide an important source of belonging.
We propose four principles to nurture relationships: trust, care, respect, and self-compassion. These principles can be thought of as the foundation of belonging-centred policies, practices and lexicons within educational communities.
Trust
Mutual trust is pivotal for psychological safety and learning. As Dr Lou Mycroft and Dr Christina Donovan point out, trust is a forward facing, active and ongoing process. It doesn’t come for free; we need to work at earning and keeping it. How might we reframe educational systems to start from a position of trusting all students and colleagues?
Trust is rooted in authenticity. As Dr Brené Brown discusses, being vulnerable and sharing something of ourselves, our values and our lives, can help others to feel safe to be themselves. Revealing our shared humanity shows we are on their side. By doing so we encourage others to have the courage to share their authentic selves; necessary for a sense of belonging to flourish. This requires our own courage to hold vulnerabilities and accept uncertainty.
In this podcast Dr Brené Brown explores the anatomy of trust as BRAVERY – Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Non-judgmental, Generosity. We invite consideration of how we build trust in our communities by applying these principles to our policies and practices.
Care
Genuine care in relationships is integral to belonging. As Dr Karen Gravett and Prof. Naomi Winstone explain in this article, we demonstrate our care by moving beyond listening to actively validating and recognising the multiplicity of lived experiences and contexts that people bring. That we see individuals and value them for who they are. How might we demonstrate an interest in individual’s goals and values, our appreciation of their value, and unconditional high regard?
We find it’s often the small things that make a difference in feeling cared about: noticing someone’s absence, voicing that their success matters to you, and making an effort to recognise often erased and omitted identities and histories. Our words have significance. The language we use, our tone of voice and attitudes can be a strong signifier of care or judgement. As Andratesha Fritzgerald asks us, are we communicating honour? Are there areas within educational journeys, spaces and interactions where the language might not be relational, honourable and caring?
Image: Work by Pan Fessey, Undergraduate Theatre Design, Wimbledon College of Arts, UAL.
Respect
When we feel respected, we are able to bring our whole selves to our work and our learning. As john a. powell discusses, this doesn’t require agreement, it is about recognising each other’s stories within compassionate spaces. Dr Debra Cureton explains how negative stereotyping can impact on a student and cause them to disengage from the relationship and Dr Neil Currant highlights how making assumptions and disrespectful interactions can have a profound effect on Black and global majority students.
In the UAL Creative Mindsets project, students meet together to discuss their experiences of growth and fixed mindsets and how this impacts on bias and stereotype threat within the context of their course. Holding a space for courageous conversations about the lived experiences of micro-aggressions, racism and structural oppression builds bridges for belonging. On the project website, you can find a wide range of resources to support respectful conversations between and with students.
Self-compassion
Self-compassion plays an important protective role in our own wellbeing, as well as that of others. By nourishing the relationship we have with ourselves, we can re-fill our emotional reserves and have more to offer those that need us. Self-compassion, as Dr Kristin Neff defines, is both fierce and tender. It requires a dynamic combination of standing up for, and nurturing, our own needs. Prof. Rosi Braidotti reaffirms our own limits and boundaries of what we can do.
Dr Kristin Neff reminds us that if we are self-critical and judgmental whilst trying to compassionately support others, we may be left feeling isolated and drained rather than rewarded. Yet when we are mindful of our own suffering, failures and mistakes as part of our shared humanity, and are able to respond to these difficulties with an open and kind heart, we feel more connected and find greater meaning in our lives. By modelling the components of self-compassion – self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness – we can help others develop greater internal recognition of achievements, and feel worthy of belonging.
In this Ted Talk, Dr Kristin Neff discusses why we should stop chasing self-esteem and focus on developing self-compassion:
For those interested in practicing self-compassion, we find Dr Tara Brach’s radical compassion – RAIN – a useful tool for recognising emotions to restore balance and calm. You can find more details and guided meditations on her website: